When a bearded dragon thinks you are food

“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.”
― Marilyn Monroe

We have had heat lamp issues in our house recently. Both the snake and the lizard’s heat lamps blew. Now it has been fairly warm so we didn’t worry too much but only have one spare. The snake is more ‘fragile’ in relation to the cold and the lizard has a heat rock so the snake won.

This left us with one very nice, happy and warm snake but one slightly chilly lizard. He has been sitting on his heat rock fairly regularly and I have been being a lovely mother and regularly getting him out so he can have body warmth until we can go and buy another lamp.

This leads us to the issue we had yesterday. He generally loves sitting on my chest, a little like a broach (typical man) he just treats it like a shelf for him to sit on. This is a usual habit and easy for me as it leaves me hands free to do whatever else I like. Yesterday however, I was wearing a t-shirt with a shiny yellow batman symbol on it. I didn’t even think about this, but to him… My goodness… Blew his mind!

First he refused to sit on it and kept running either up onto my shoulder or down into my hands, then when he finally stopped and sat there. He was dead still. Unusual for him. Then puffed out his beard, at this point I was beginning to understand and then he attempted to eat the yellow design…. Hmm… Turns out my lizard thought that my breasts were edible…. Guess who went straight back into his enclosure.

Note to self. Do not wear that top while handling Daeny again!


Human versus lizard

“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
― Winston Churchill

Well Winston, I don’t know about pigs but that can certainly be said for reptiles! Now as seasoned reptile owners, onto our third addition now, we consider ourselves to be experts on the subject. Well as much experts on reptiles as our reptiles consider that they are on us anyway! We have taken to naming our reptiles after royalty. Mainly due to their innate belief that they rule the world. Us included. We may supply their food. We may pick them up and hold them. They most certainly tolerate us and our bizarre antics with them but you get the distinct feeling that they always are looking at you as if ‘this is the food bringer…. The house cleaner and a giver of warmth…. Yes on this occasion I shall tolerate [enter whatever we are trying to get them to do at the time!]’

Our lizard, Daeny, named after the Karlessi, Daenerys Targaryn from GOT, the most epic fantasy monarch ever, is quite a character. The other day we went on an adventure. I thought, being the lovely owner that I was, I would take her outside to have a play on the grass in the sunlight. He however, was not 100% keen on that idea.

First, getting him out of the enclosure… He went entirely black, beard puffed out and mouth wide open trying to eat any finger unwise enough to make it’s way too closely in that vicinity! With some strategically placed carrot (being shoved in the wide open mouth every time he went to eat my finger) I managed to pick him up. Suddenly, he remembered that I was a bringer of warmth and smoothed himself out flat in my warm hand. OK human 1, lizard 0.

Next we go outside, as I go to gently place him on the grass I get a very distinct disapproval. As if he would like to move from the warm, breathing thing to the cold green stuff. After several attempts, multiple scratches on my hands and arms, I gave in and laid on the grass with him laying on me, for him to rest in the sunlight. Human 1, Lizard 1.

Well turns out a adolescent lizard is in fact a worthy adversary to a 20 something educated woman. Well, we will battle another day Daeny! I will one day take home the title!